MY LOVE STORY
It seems unethical to bring this story about my life online, to the world, to you reading this right now. But permit me to, you see, the world and its norms coaxed me and I fell, I fell deep for its theories.
It’s popular said that ‘A Faithful spouse is hard to find’. Isn’t that what we get to hear, say, believe and live by? And so with that theory in mind, I made a decision; if there was none faithful, of what use would it be if I Stephanie chose to be faithful. I could as well become an unfaithful partner in my relationship.
And so I did, do not judge me yet. It’s easier to judge, but really it was fun exploring or so I thought. Yes, an exploration it was for me, several partners, several indulgence, an avenue to explore and quench all the desires I had solely craved for all these years.
And then I chose to be mature about it, I decided to stick to just one partner asides from my Baali.
I know cheating on my Baali wasn’t proper but then ‘there was none faithful,’ so why did I have to be the faithful one?
I do not recall seeing or hearing about my Baali being involved in any scandal, but it was not like I really cared, all that mattered was that I did not want to be at the losing end. But each time I returned to my Baali from my numerous adventures, the guilt was killing, it was heartrending to see the Love and expression in His eyes, I could particularly feel the warmth in His heart as we conversed. But I was drifting away, I could no longer keep up with the conversations, I looked at my Baali and I found myself comparing Him to the numerous partners that I had allowed defile me.
Now that I chose to stay away from numerous partners, I had picked a new catch, Atan seemed perfect, he was younger than I was and I found everything about Him intriguing. I liked who I was around Him and I was tempted to permanently separate from my Baali and live forever with Atan.
I recall the day I chose to surprise Atan on his birthday, I had doused myself with the best of perfumes and had gotten gifts for him. It was a weekend getaway but the problem had been my Baali, how was I to tell Him I’d be gone for the weekend to play the harlot? I had told Him the most ridiculous lie ever, a lie that was distinctly obvious to be a lie and the surprising thing was He had swallowed it, he absorbed it totally.
There was this look in His eyes that made me realise He knew I was lying but the shocking part was that He let me go, He totally bid me bye and asked me to enjoy myself after giving me a warm hug.
I had gotten to Atan’s house when I took off the veil I used to cover my face while leaving home, I felt different, the air was different, here I was unrestrained. I was drunk in love and that was all that mattered.
I was about to knock on the gate when I heard some sounds from a car parked close to the building, it was Atan’s, I got closer and to my utmost disclosure there was Atan enveloped by three unclad women.
I found it hard to breath, I needed ventilation even though I was in a well ventilated environment. How could he do this to me? Why did he have to treat me this way? Not even one woman? Three women in a car? I was embittered, why did he not even take them into the apartment? Why in public? I knocked on the windshield of the car with tears cascading my cheeks.
He turned and smiled at me with no apology or remorse on his face, the first thing he said to me was “My friends have been waiting for you.” I did not understand that statement until almost immediately someone hugged me from behind in the most uncomfortable manner, I turned to see three men wearing a smug on their faces.
They bundled me and before I could turn back and face Atan, I was molested by the first man right in front of the gate. With tears streaming down my face and difficulty to utter any speech, the second man bounced on me and took advantage of my womanhood, the third who had been smoking a cigarette stick all the while came and equally completed what his friends had started.
With tears in my heart and eyes, I watched as they grinned and laughed with each other, I felt sore all over, I saw Atan approaching, he smiled at his colleagues and all I felt like doing was giving him a kick so hard that he would choke but his next move shattered all I had left.
He pounced on me and tore the remaining part of my dress before defiling me and then he said, “thank you for the gifts.”
They all drove off with the ladies from before and left me lying on the floor in a shameful state, I was thirsty, broken, tired, ashamed, depressed, sad, wounded, shattered. I had a bottle of water and an analgesic in my bag, I used it and slept on the floor.
The next morning as I begun my journey home, confused, tired and stinking. I smelt awful, my veil had turned to a wrapper for my skin as my dress had been badly torn. How was I going to stand up to my Baali? I had played games, I had been unfaithful and now I had been shattered. Why did I have to follow the popular belief that there was none faithful?
I could not go home, I was not so confident, as I hung around the environs; a neighbour sighted me, the manner in which she covered her nose made me realise how much I stank. I had no money on me and I had nowhere else to go, I was not bold enough to go back to my Baali, after all I had strayed away on my own. As I slumped on the floor close to a pole I had been standing besides all this while, events of my past life and yesterday flooded my memory, I wept.
Was this a movie? Or was this happening for real? Why had I wandered and wasted away?
Just then, I felt a nudge on my shoulders, I was being enveloped by strong but warm arms, this had to be a dream, who would hug me with the way I reeked this bad in real life? But the arms smelt familiar, I opened my eyes to see my Baali folding His arms around me in a manner that spoke volumes.
“My Baali,” I said with lumps forming in my throat but he motioned me not to speak.
But why? I wondered, why was He acting like nothing had happened? How could He hug me with the way I was? What even prompted Him to come looking for me?
The guilt was killing me and I made to speak again this time seeking forgiveness, “My Baali, I’m sorry,” I wept.
“Don’t call me Baali,” I heard Him say, with panic in my heart, I turned to look at Him, if He did not want me to, why was He embracing me in this manner?
“From now on call me Ishi,” He continued.
At that point, my heart melted, not just literally, I could feel the dilatation of my blood vessels, here was forgiveness being offered to me for free.
“But Baali,” I made to speak.
“Not Baali,” He corrected, “Ishi it is.”
“Ishi,” I said, “my Ishi,” it sounded weird as my lips said those words but I had been permitted to, “I have been molested, I cheated on you, I have been unfaithful.” I cried on His shoulders while confessing my misdeeds.
“I forgive you, I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in loving kindness and mercy; You are mine and I am yours.”
That was all that mattered, I am His and He is mine, irrespective of what I had done He overlooked and returned it with mercy.
Contrary to popular belief my Ishi is Faithful, His Faithfulness is filled with Love, warmth and peace.
He is able to do same for you, just seek His face, make that effort to return home.
Hosea2:16 “And it shall be, in that day,” Says the LORD, “That you will call Me ‘My Ishi’ And no longer call Me ‘My Baali’”
Ishi means ‘husband’, Baali means ‘Lord’.
Can you see how much intimacy the Father seeks to have with us? How sweet is that?
Hosea2:19-20 “I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me In righteousness and justice, In loving kindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, And you shall know the LORD.”
You are not exempted from God’s salvation. Never think that you are.
Titus2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men,
And if perhaps you think you’re so holy and better than your neighbour, remember it’s not by what you do or by what you’ve done or by what you think you can do.
Titus3:4-7 But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
Thanks for taking time to read through, God loves you so greatly and I do too. He is ever faithful.