I stared at the female doctor and she returned my stare with a smile again. She had been smiling back at me ever since without uttering a word.
A part of me wanted her to get her job done and over with, while another part of me honestly wanted to see her reveal her dentition over and over again.
My parents had taken me to the clinic when I had been unable to provide an answer to the questions they asked. Mother had emphasised that we would go see Azeez and his parents after we left the clinic. Father had howbeit insisted that there would be no need for that.
An argument had ensued between them again and I had simply closed my eyes while allowing the tears that flowed from my heart to my eyes free access.
The clinic had been crowded and noisy, it had been a challenge to eavesdrop on father discussion with the doctor. Mother had worn a look that showed she did not agree with whatever father was saying.
The doctor had eventually signalled them to wait outside while she attended to me alone in her office.
I was not sure of how many minutes I had spent in the doctor’s office but I was certain it was over ten minutes.
When was she going to finally speak up? What had father told her?
“Ma,” I said.
“Hi,” she replied, her voice was pleasant and professional with a classy feel, it sounded like something from a television commercial.
“Are you relaxed now?” She asked.
“Yes ma,” I replied, even though I knew I was not. How could I be relaxed when my life was in chaos?
“Your life is not over okay, this isn’t the end.” She spoke. “I need you to understand that.”
I said nothing. What was she driving at?
“I excused your parents because I want you to be as comfortable as possible. So feel free to share anything with me.”
I pursed my lips, was that not what they all claimed? Eventually she would still tell my parents everything and anything.
I took my attention away from her for the first time and scanned the office. It looked pretty with a cool and inviting touch. Perhaps I only thought it was cool because of the neat arrangement of items. Something about the office also compelled me to want to stand, walk, touch and explore. I sure would appreciate the distraction at this point.
As I studied the office more intently from where I sat, I realised it was actually simple but nice all the same. There was a desk with a lot of files and some large books on it. There was a phone and some other random items that did not exactly catch my fancy on the desk as well. The air conditioner in the office was functional as the temperature was extremely cool and I was sure I could catch a cold if I stayed here for too long.
“I guess you’re not ready to say anything yet. Luckily you’re the last patient I’m attending to today, so I can spare some time.” She said and smiled again.
“What if I don’t want to talk?” I asked.
“Well, then there’d be little I could do to help you. If you’re afraid because of your parents, I already told you not to be, trust me.”
I laughed in my head, I had trusted my childhood friend and see where it had gotten me. Why would I want to trust this female doctor with beautiful teeth?
“What did my father tell you?” I asked, I had been itching to know.
“Well, he wants you to have an abortion.”
Now I knew why mother did not seem to be pleased with the idea, we had been taught in church that abortion was a sin.
“Will you do it?” I asked, not sure of the response I wanted to hear.
“Do you want it?” She asked instead.
I paused, I had to think it through. I had wanted to take my life but now I had the option of having an abortion, the stories I had heard in the past about abortions came flooding my memories. There was the possibility of complications, my womb could be damaged, or I could die.
What difference would it make? Had I not planned to die initially? However the thought of death did not sound appealing any more even though I still felt bouts of pain. The main reason I had wanted death was to prevent my family from finding out and also to ease off this pain within me.
It was no longer a secret that I had gotten pregnant as a teenager, so what point was there to dying now? I however thought of what engulfed me within, the thought of having this pain forever lingering saddened me.
“Do you?” she asked again.
She was not smiling anymore and I tried to ponder on my options before replying.
The reply that came out of my mouth before I could stop it.
To be continued.
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